


Uh god why is kabedon so hot

by Bettyboop13



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 30 Day OTP Challenge, Crushes, Flirting, Fluff, M/M, Neighbors, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Pets, Tumblr Prompt, kabedon, turned on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 15:53:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23305786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bettyboop13/pseuds/Bettyboop13
Summary: Spideypool -Okay, I don’t want to be that jerk but our building has a strict No Pet Policy and your cat will not stop meowing and and I WILL report you and oh no you’re cute
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 17
Kudos: 238





	Uh god why is kabedon so hot

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt stolen (?) from: https://perfectlyrose.tumblr.com/post/101118660910/au-prompts-masterlist-of-lists 
> 
> I wanna work on my writing skills so I can finish other fics I've started, so I'm challenging myself to write Spideypool. :) Don't forget to go check out day the previous days work by clocking on the series title!

Peter was getting ready for patrol, mending a small tear in his suit when he heard it. He rolled his eyes, that stupid fucking cat. One of his neighbours, the person who lived a few units away had a cat that was super fucking loud. And _they weren’t supposed to have any pets!_ Peter didn’t know why no one else had reported whoever it was yet for the cat. It wasn’t that Peter didn’t like cats or anything. It was just loud, at odd hours and – well it wasn’t fair! Peter had always wanted a cat but NO! He’s too scared to try and smuggle one in, and the minute he did someone would catch him.

Spiderman was still fuming when his crime fighting buddy found him later that night. Deadpool, once again, just about destroyed himself climbing the tall building Peter had perched on.

“Webs, baby boy, light of my soul,” Deadpool panted, lying on his back. “Do you have to brood on the tallest fucking building in Brooklyn.”

“It’s not the tallest building,” Peter replied, “And I didn’t ask you to come up.”

“You know me, I see a spider I must go to it!” Deadpool picked himself up and sat beside him. “What’s got you brooding tonight, sweet cheeks?”

Peter sighed. “Oh nothing. I’m just being dramatic.”

“Surely not, Spidey. Talk to daddy Deadpool, come on. Ease your trouble on me!”

Peter looked at Wade sceptically behind his mask; did he really want to whine to him? But why not? Deadpool wouldn’t go kill his neighbour, would he?

“It’s just one of the neighbours in my building has a loud ass cat that meows through the night, and he’s not supposed to have pets!” Peter knocked a stone off the roof. Deadpool just watched it sail away.

“That could kill someone, you know.”

Spiderman crossed his arms and huffed, sulking. “Why hasn’t someone made them get rid of it yet?!”  
“Maybe, just maybe webs, you should go talk to them.”

“Me?”

“Not as Spidurboy of course. As normal you.”

“I dunno…” Peter rubbed his neck; he didn’t enjoy confrontation as himself.

“Why not? Worse that can happen is that they slam a door in your face. I promise if they do that, I’ll bandage your cute little nose up myself.”

Peter was standing out in front of the door of the people or person who owned the cat. He had originally gone to the wrong door and the old woman living there told him he wanted the asshole next door, and to _please_ make him keep the cat quiet.

He eventually worked up the courage to knock, and in a few minutes the door opened; rolls of clouds spilled out into the hallway and a shirtless, glistening _god_ was standing before him. More like a fresh-out-of-a-very-steamy-shower muscular dude. But in Peter’s eyes it was god like. He swallowed hard.

“Oh, shit sorry, my bad. I forget about this shit sometimes. Two secs, gorgeous!” The door shut again, and Peter wanted to whine. Where did the god go? But he was back again with a shirt on. “Sorry about that. Glad you didn’t hurl.”

“Huh?” Peter croaked

“Uh, are you blind?” The man glanced around then motioned to his face. Peter continued to look puzzled. Scars? Baldness? So, what? “…Why are you not running away.”

Peter snapped out of his daze, hoping he wasn’t drooling. “Uh, well. I came to… complain about your, uh. Cat.”

“Ahhhh,” The man crossed his arms with a smirk. “Is that so? You’re not the first person to try.”

“I’m not?” Peter frowned; why did he still have the cat then.

“Well, many have tried. Come on in, uh…?”

“P-Peter. Peter Parker”

“Peter,” The man nodded, looking him up and down warmly. Peter felt himself blush. “Come meet my cat Peter Parker. She might change your mind. My name’s Wade by the way.”

Peter stepped in once Wade invited him in; Wade’s apartment was bigger than Peter’s and full of pop culture memorabilia, and plants. Peter was in awe, this place looked so cool. And what a massive TV!

“How come I haven’t seen you around before?” Wade called

“Uh, I keep odd hours.” Peter replied, would Wade be impressed if Peter said he were Spiderman? Not that he would tell a total hot stranger his secret identity just to impress him or anything.

“Here she is!” Wade came back into the lounge room, grinning. In his arms was the biggest, fattest cat Peter had ever seen. The ginger fluffball looked at Peter like she knew he was here to complain about her. “My true queen.” Wade held her up to rub his face against her fur, she looked away, bored.

“What’s her name?” Peter couldn’t help but note how heavy she must be, judging by the way Wade’s arms were now… bulging. Ugh his stomach felt tight.

“Gary! Come give her a pet, she’s so soft.”

“Gary? For a girl?” Peter stepped closer. God, Wade smelt good.

“She was a rescue.” Wade shrugged. Peter let the cat sniff his hand before he stoked behind her ear. After a second, she began to rumble.

“She is soft. Is that her purr?” Peter chuckled, looking up to find Wade watching him, quite intently.

“She likes you!” He grinned again, scars crinkling. “And she’s picky!”

Wade was actually really handsome underneath the scarring; he had great cheekbones and a nicely defined jaw, big kind brown eyes. Peter didn’t even realise he’d started staring again.

“You can ask about it, you know, instead of just staring and playing with my pussy.”

Peter stuttered trying to answer, but ended up laughing, coving his mouth. “S-sorry. Didn’t realise I was staring. I didn’t mean to, uh -” Peter didn’t really want to tell Wade why he was staring.

“It’s horrific I know,” Wade sighed, kissing Gary’s head and setting her on the floor. “So, are you going to report me to the building manager, or can I get you a drink?”

“Huh?”

“Well, you’re here to tell me off for going against building policy, aren’t you? So, either you’re going to be a little prick and leave and report me, which won’t work anyway, or you can stay and have a drink with me.”

“Why wouldn’t reporting you work?”  
“Ah,” Wade sighed, heading for the door. “Well if you’re going to be like that, baby boy -”

“I didn’t say I would!” Peter blurted, covering his mouth again. Deadpool called him baby boy too, Peter must of just give off that vibe, but he _really_ like the way Wade said it.

“Okay then. What’ll it be? Young child like you… want some lemonade buddy?”

“I’m twenty-three.” Peter crossed his arms.  
“Oh feisty.’ Wade chuckled, walking back into the kitchen.

Peter ended up staying for over an hour, having a coffee with his neighbour and the cat. Gary ended up really like Peter and curled up on his lap after a while. Wade nearly lost it at how Gary covered up the entirety of Peter’s thighs with her fur.

Peter was practically in heaven; Wade sat nice and close, and answered Peter’s questions about the things in his apartment, and about Gary. If Wade’s plan was to flirt Peter into forgetting about why he came in the first place he was right on track. It wasn’t until it was starting to get _dark_ that Peter realised he should go.

“This was fun, we should do it again sometime soon.” Wade walked him to the door.

“Oh, y-yeah totally.” Peter paused beside him; GAH Wade was so close. Made Peter feel all gooey inside.

“You gonna forget about my cat or will we have a problem?” Wade smirked and leant even _closer_, putting his hand on the wall beside Peter’s head. Peter’s mind was going blank, but his body felt on fire.

“Ah… c-consider it forgotten.” Peter pushed himself against the wall, but that only invite Wade to lean every so closer. “Just… c-can you keep her quieter at night?”

“I can try. I’m not usually good at making people be _quiet_ per say.”

“O-oh.”

Wade bit his lip, looking Peter up and down one more time. “Okay well get home safe, baby boy.”

“Ugh goddamn it!”

“What?”

“Nothing!”  
“I saw that! Is violence _finally_ turning you on?”

“Fuck off, Pool!”  
Spiderman webbed another ninja-clad criminal towards his awaiting fist and webbed him to the ground, it’d have to do for now. If Peter could _stop thinking about Wade and getting a boner while trying to fight bad guys that’d be very fucking helpful. _It was hard enough walking three doors down to his apartment hiding his erection then, not it was just RUDE!

After a quick chat to the cops, that Deadpool was conveniently not around for, Spiderman swung back onto the nearest roof to catch his breath.

“Recovery tacos?” Deadpool asked, tilting his head.

“Sure, gimme a sec.” Peter panted behind the mask. It had been a few hours since his visit to Wade’s, and it was still getting him excited. But it was hard not to think about him.

“What’s got you so hot and horny then huh?” Deadpool sad down cross-legged beside him. “Oh! Did you go see the neighbour with the cat? OH! Was she a hottie?”

“Yeah, he was…” Peter muttered, lost in thought again. _Wait stop._

“_He_ was huh?” Deadpool giggled. “How come? What’s your type webs?”

“I’m not telling you!” Peter scoffed. He sat down as well. “He was just nice ok? And like, hot.”

Deadpool nodded along. “Handsome how?”

“I don’t know. He just had this… thing.” A voice in Peter’s head told him to shut up. “Like at first glance people might think he was ugly or something. But I thought he was just…sexy.”

“Aw, look at you. You’re adorable, baby boy.”

Peter cocked his head, what’re the odds Deadpool and Wade would both call Spiderman and Peter that? Come to think of it.

“Say, Pool. What’s your real name?”

“Why?”

“Just wondered.”

“Well, what’s yours?”

“I asked you first.”

“I asked you second.”

Peter sat up and crawled closer to Deadpool. “Tell me.”

“Mm, nah. I’m good.”

“If I’m right, I _will_ punch you.”

“You’d punch such a sexy face??”

“You’re… Wade?”

“Oops?”

“HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS ME?”

“I mean who else has a loud ass cat in a no-pet apartment building? Me! People are too scared to ask me to get rid of her. Or in some weird ass cases too in love with me. You gotta get your head checked, baby boy.”

“Pool!” Peter whined “Why did you tell me?”

“Cause seeing your flustered little face was adorable.”

“You were really coming onto me, did you know I was… well, me?”

“I hoped. Don’t get me wrong your pretty little face drooling over me is def in my spank bank for life.”

“POOL!”

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write something where Peter just found Wade to be a complete turn on, since last chapter we sorta got a obsessive fluff fic from Wade's perspective. Hehe.  
Also, Gary is a story jumping cat, since she's just the fictional cat in all my stories. 
> 
> If you wanna drop by and say hi or potentially give me a prompt on my tumblr, please do! @dreamy-eames-jeans137


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